Thank you to the following awesome people for TF:

rwhamann/Sometime in 2016
Anon/11/30/2017
Anon/01/23/2018 - I must have said something unRussian-like. Thank you
Anon/03/28/2018 - I don't know who you are, but thank you!!!
Anon strikes again/09/28/2018 - Thank you!

Rapmaster2000
2014-06-24 12:17:24 PM
I was at Safeway last week behind this woman who was buying steak and lobsters and rap tapes for her 5 children who all had on brand new Air Jordans and were named Propecia, Dacron, Lebaron, Chia, and Larry.  I heard she saying how they were using their EBT to buy the skrimps too.  They had all learned how to do math from the common core which is how they knew to get my money.  Then they went outside and got in a brand new Cadillac Town Car and peeled out doing skidmarks on the way to get more Obamaphones.  An eagle landed on the flag and shed a tear because a liberal professor was there smirking like Obama when he calls the IRS to order them to spy on our Tea Party and also because that guy was an atheist.

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Rapmaster2000
2014-06-24 12:17:24 PM
Last week I went to Wal-Mart to purchase various sundry items which I require.  As I was checking out, the young lady behind the counter who had big boobs, but in a a Christian way said "Happy Fall".  I said, "Don't you mean Happy Halloween?"  She said that they had to change it to Happy Fall because atheists were trying to take the antichrist out of the season.  A little boy started to cry and I said "Don't worry.  Those atheists are all going to burn in The Lake of Fire."  He said "Really, mister?"  I gave him some candy (Tic Tacs) and told him to pray for it.

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Rapmaster2000
2015-10-12 02:42:30 PM
I  was in Taco Bell last month eating a Big Bell Beefer Burrito with Melty Fire Cheese Sauce when one of these vegetarians came in.  She smelled real bad and she was a woman's studies major.  She said, "Meat is murder".  I calmly looked her in the eye, took a sip from my Mountain Dew Kickstart AM Breakfast Soda - finally a soda for breakfast - and said in my deep, masculine voice "Lady, for every Big Bell Beefer Burrito with Melty Fire Cheese Sauce you don't eat, I'm going to eat THREE Big Bell Beefer Burritos with Melty Fire Cheese Sauce.  She said "This is a hate crime.  You are doing hate crimes."  I coolly looked her up and down and said with a mix of laughter and derision, "Lady, the only hate crime here is what a meatless diet is doing to your pale, thin body.  Have a bite of this Big Bell Beefer Burrito with Melty Fire Cheese Sauce."  She took a bite and then took off her ugly glasses and she was SMOKING HOT.  She called her college to say she was quitting school.  Everybody in the Taco Bell stood up and started clapping and they didn't stop until we got up to to go do it in the bathroom.

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Rapmaster2000
2015-08-14 03:33:12 PM
One time I ran into one of these vegans.  I was eating a double cheeseburger with bacon at Burger King.  This vegan came up to me and he was all pale and thin.  He pulled a PETA pamphlet out of his manpurse and tried to give it to me.  I cooly swatted it out of his girlish hands.  He said "That's a hate crime!"  I looked him dead in the eye and I said "For every animal you don't eat, I'm gonna eat three."  Everybody in the place busted up laughing at how I zinged that dork so good.  People stood up and started clapping.  An eagle flew into the Drive Thru and perched on the broiler and gave me a thumbs up and a lot of the ladies there were thinking about what it would be like to see me with my shirt off.

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Rapmaster2000
2014-03-25 08:05:26 PM
The other day I was in a restaurant when a tattooed, smoking, breast-feeding waitress asked me for a tip.  I said that I would circumcise my son before I give a tip - that is if I were to have a son.  I'm opposed to breeders and their crotchfruit.

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Rapmaster2000
2015-06-22 03:12:03 PM
Just the other day I was at the General Feed and Seed and some of those supplemental income people were there and their cart will filled with salted pork and cornpone and they were wearing SHOES and they were sending telegrams on their Lincolngraphs that they got with MY tax dollars.  Then they got into a fancy Studebaker wagon with METAL wagon wheels and rode away to their gilded slave cabin probably laughing it up the whole time.

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Rapmaster2000
2015-10-07 08:13:26 AM
I was at Taco Bell the other day and these blackrican Americans came in and they had brand new Air Jordans and 15 children and they were getting pregnant with saggy pants and rap music.  One of them tried to play the knockout rainbow party game on me but I countered their attack with a series of roundhouse kicks. Some Marines came in and they were blessed with Aryan features.  They all gave me high fives and said I should be in the Core.  Allan West rode up on his Harley with an eagle perched on the handlebars and said I wasn't racist because he's a good one. The eagle gave me a Pepsi.

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Rapmaster2000
2014-09-29 12:41:48 PM
I was at Wal-Mart to get beef jerky and some tiny American flags when this woman was in line in front of me with her 5 children and they were named Tyronne, Laprell, Sinutab, Dacron, and Larry and they had on brand new Air Jordans and they all had Obamaphones that they were talking on and the nice girl behind the counter that had big boobs, but in a Christian way said "you have to pay for all of these steaks and lobsters" and the lady who was like Moochelle Obama said "this is a hate crime" and she walked out without paying and they got into an Escalade and drove away laughing and an eagle flew over and perched on the Wal-Mart and shed a tear on the Wal-Mart greeter.

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Rapmaster2000
2014-12-15 12:18:18 PM
Let's discuss THE FACTS of the case.

John "Crackpipe" Crawford, a known thug, sauntered into a \Wal-Mart wearing saggy pants and brand new Air Jordans that probably cost $300 of my tax dollars that he got on welfare.  The perp grabbed the first weapon that he saw and proceeded to point it at citizens just trying to shop for their church picnics.

Officer Zimmerman was returning from his shift of reading to sick children at the cancer orphanage when the desperate call for help came in over the radio.  "Dios mio" he exclaimed and immediately went to the Wal-Mart to heroically save the citizenry.  "Freeze, dirtbag" said the brave and kind officer, but the savage animal pretended like he didn't hear because he was talking on his Obamaphone.  The thug who was probably high on purple drank and white guilt aggressively wheeled around and pointed the weapon in his typical sideways gangster grip style.  The officer brave officer had no choice but to put down the savage dog before he committed some more crimes.

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Rapmaster2000
2015-11-03 12:22:14 PM
The point is that this thuglette was on her Obamaphone ordering steaks and lobsters from Amazon with her food stamps when Officer Jones, who had just returned from coaching a Little League game for children with no spleens, politely asked her to put down the phone and learn the South Carolina history of how Robert E. Lee stood up for her state's rights when she got all high on purple drank and white guilt and leapt at Officer Wilson like a savage animal from shadows darker than the heart of Africa.  Officer Zimmerman had no choice but to defend the Constitution by subduing the ravenous beast.

It's a pretty cut and dried case.
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More to come as I find them. Bless this man