Below: The real me.

More me:



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I finally met 8floz (the woman I love) in person and she is more amazing and wonderful than I had imagined. And I can imagine quite a lot :) We were married November 4, 2006, in Centralia, Illinois. Our wedding reception was also a Fark party at Argh and Puggysmom's house in San Antonio.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, I *did* break things for a living. Really expensive things. And got paid for it. Mommas, please let your kids grow up to be test engineers . . . *grin* Just make sure there's a job market for them . . .

~UPDATE~

I was a test engineer again. Now I'm an unemployed test engineer again.

I have a beautiful daughter and young son, both of whom don't live with me. I also have a beautiful granddaughter. I collect bills, lots of them :) I sometimes give the bills back with money attached.

FAVORITE SPORT(s) TO PLAY: I don't play sports. Except fishing, and only when it involves boats. And doesn't have to involve fishing.

FAVORITE SPORT(S) TO WATCH: Celebrity Skeet Shooting (where celebrities are launched into the air and shot). Just kidding.

FAVORITE GAME(s): Golf, as played by the rules of CalvinBall. (You make up the rules as you go and can only use each rule once. Try applying croquet rules to golf and you'll never go back!)

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE: Yep. Just one disaster after another. However, 8floz has completely turned my life, and my opinions about love, all the way around. We're married and love each other like crazy ;)

IF YOU COULD WIN A CAR WHAT WOULD IT BE: A Delorean. With Mr. Fusion. And a hover conversion. And a particle cannon. And . . . you get the idea.

I have lived in (not just visited) the following states in the US: California, Colorado, Montana, Washington, Idaho, Iowa, Minnesota, Oregon, Arizona, Utah, and Texas.

This pic was taken at the 2005 Texas TotalFark BBQ and Beer Bash. I'm on the left, and my friend Earl is on the right.

Somebody put a couple of tickets in his beard ;)

~~~~~~~~~~~

I seem to have shown up in a photoshop by nukeim...

On top of that, my kitchen sucks. Apartment fire in 2003:

8floz and me, as photographed by a very expensive professional:



Your Linguistic Profile:

60% General American English
20% Yankee
10% Dixie
10% Upper Midwestern
0% Midwestern


What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

And this is my sweetheart, 8floz ;)



My good friend Fallout43 pretending that he's just happy to see me. I'm pretending that I'm not about to run away ;)

One of my best friends is Lee. Lee likes to be safe when he throws a big ass roll of fireworks down the storm drain.

darkhorse23 is very cool. When I grow up, I want a skunk stripe in my hair, too ;)

This is Trek_Nerd, who is very tall. He came by to visit.



Now, if I can just get this damned phaser to work, Whorey is a dead man ;)



Me with Eric Draven, exchanging hats at the San Antonio TF BBQ II ;)



My son, Nathaniel

Tom and Sue, two of the greats on Fark. I'd post their Fark IDs, but then they'd kill and barbecue me ;)

And, a good friend took the below picture of me July 4, 2008. I'm getting old.

This is my dear wife 8floz as of July 26, 2008

I'm the idiot in the middle. Surrounded by... my favorite idiots.

And the story to go with the pics is:

I washiat by two drunk drivers, fifteen minutes apart. The first, a pickup, swerved across five lanes to hit me just as I was pulling out of a convenience store parking lot. They were doing about 60mph, and ended upside down in the ditch. There were six people in the truck, two of them children. An off-duty EMT supervisor witnessed the wreck, and thought that I was in more danger because my car was leaking gasoline. He determined that I could be moved, and helped me out of my car. While I was standing next to my car, another drunk driver doing about 60mph drove right over the flares and cones in the road and hit my car on the corner opposite me, throwing my car into me. I was run over by my own car :/

My back was broken in two places, vertebrae T-11 and T-12. I sustained a massive brain hemorrage, left elbow crushed, both wrists crushed, left hand crushed, both shoulders dislocated, left hip dislocated, both knees dislocated, and a whole shopping list of other stuff including massive abrasions and contusions. I was told that I looked like a high-speed motorcyle accident victim.

There were 14 people injured, and 4 of us were LifeFlighted out. I was taken to the Herrmann Memorial Hospital Trauma Center (good thing, too). I'm told that I had to be paddled more than once on the way. I was such a mess, and kept coding, that they put me on full life support - heart/lung, the whole bit. That was when I flatlined. The hospital was looking for a nearest relative when, after several unsuccessful attempts at resuscitation, I don't remember a thing from this - no white light, no flames, no epiphony, no nothing. I was dead, and the recorder was turned off. But then I came back spontaneously.

What followed was a good day or so of doctors trying to find out just what was causing me to continue to code from time to time, though that was easing up over time. They performed four hours of abdominal exploratory surgery, but couldn't find any internal injuries. I was then turned over to the neurologist. He found the massive brain hemorrhage, and there was nothing they could do about it. Now, by this time, I was starting to stabilize a bit. So, they started other surgeries. My elbow was cobbled back together during a four and a half hour surgery. Dislocated joints were relocated. During this all, I was immobilized, of course, because of my back. I was found to have no injury to my spinal cord (yay!), but was placed in a partial body cast that gave access to my abdominal incision. I had casts all over the place, and around 220 surgical staples.

Weeks in the hospital later, and months of being bedridden at my (then) girlfriend's house, I made more or less a full recovery. It's now been nine years, and I'll never be able to use my left arm very well, and I can't lift more than a large phone book. I can't reach my feet without a lot of effort. But I can walk. This is a good thing ;)

One thing really pisses me off about this whole episode though, is that I spent $10,000 for my very first ever helicopter ride, and I don't remember a bit of it. Dangit ;) However, I can say that I did $10,000 worth of morphine - legally. Woo hoo!

I didn't get anything out of the accident except hurt and bills. I was the only one with insurance or a job. Plus, when everybody else found out that I did have insurance, they all started suing me. Took many thousands of dollars in attorney fees and three years in and out of court to get all of the suits dropped. It didn't help any that the investigating officer was an idiot and a relative of the driver of the first pickup that hit me. I finally had to threaten him with perjory before he backed off.

Ah, well. So, that's my story.

The good news is that, a year and a half later, my long lost (see: abducted by my ex-wife) daughter found me after eleven years. See what I would have missed? But that, as they say, is another story :)

Addendum: Here is the discussion thread about the 10th anniversary of my car wreck. Available to TotalFark only, I'm afraid: Tenth anniversary discussion of car wreck (pops)

A pic of my parents and I, together for the first time in ten years. Last time they saw me I was in a hospital bed...



Before I shaved off my beard:

fenrael23 was kind enough to make this:


Your results:
You are Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)
Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command)
100%
Malcolm Reynolds (Captain)
90%
Wash (Ship Pilot)
90%
Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic)
85%
River (Stowaway)
75%
Jayne Cobb (Mercenary)
70%
Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic)
70%
Inara Serra (Companion)
50%
Derrial Book (Shepherd)
45%
Alliance
45%
A Reaver (Cannibal)
40%

Dependable and trustworthy.
You love your significant other and
you are a tough cookie when in a conflict.



Click here to take the Serenity Firefly Personality Test


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